Since December!

So it’s been Nine months since I last wrote! It’s about time that I start writing again! I will start from where I left off…

December 2011 God is amazing in many ways! The last Ten months have been an amazing adventure!  He definitely has shown me where He wants me and with whom He wants me with! It’s so very clear to me and it’s a very lovely thing! I have been on a few dating sites here and there and one of them was Christian Dating For Free, and on the night of December 12^th I was about to delete my profile and give it to God and not look anymore for the “ONE person” I wanted, but right before I did, something told me to check my messages so I did and this guy messaged me, (he says that I messaged him, so who knows) so I looked at his profile and liked what I saw and thus begins the staying up late, talking, texting, and praying this would last! We started talking and learning about each other, and when I realized that he was from Florida I freaked out oh my word, Florida, like as in 6 states away?? WHAT?? I’m falling for a guy in Florida, what am I going to do, so I decided to just pray about it and if it works it works and if not then it’s not what God wanted! Needless to say God was molding and planning on our behalf! We decided to get to know each other more and see where this crazy God thing was headed!!

I have to admit that I was kind of uncertain at first, Florida is a ways a way and it’s a dating site lol, but I wanted to feel this out and had been praying about it and God reassured me that it would be fine if it was meant to be! I remember the countless nights I would pray ”if it’s your will Lord” and He would guide me and comfort me greatly! As the days and weeks went on we began to write letters, text, call, Skype, almost every day and I could feel and see how much this person was beginning to mean to me! And all I could think about is that God is working in this heart of mine and I’m thankful for that! In mid January on a very bitter cold evening, he was on his way to class and I was just getting off work and I had this crazy feeling that I HAD to talk to him, but he was in class, so I couldn’t L but I told him anyways that “I Loved Him”! Love for a spouse is so different than I have ever experienced! It’s Lovely! He went crazy with goose bumps and chills, knowing that I was also the one for him!  I knew right then that this would be the person that I’d forever love and always! That is when we became official!

As a result of this new found relationship we were finding ourselves tossing around the idea of visiting one another, and as badly as I wanted to visit him in Florida, first I knew that if he really was in to me that he would willingly be coming to Ohio first and that he did! In May 2012 he came to visit! I wasn’t really nervous and neither was he, more or less anxious to see each other for the first time! Jeff stayed for five days; we hung out, had a “REAL” date lol met my parents and sister and went to all my favorite hot spots! We had a blast and everyone loved each other! I was very thankful that everything went very well and they all got along!  Oh and he gave me his grandmothers wedding ring too!! J The worst part is that the inevitable was about to come, and it was that he would return to Florida and without me. I dreaded that day so much, “we have enjoyed ourselves and have had a wonderful time, and it’s all over when you leave”.  I was reassured by God and Jeff that we would visit again and we did Three weeks later when I got to go to Florida! I was thrilled and so very excited and kept thinking that “this is God or it wouldn’t work out this way right”?!

In those Three weeks we learned that he would have an offer to sell his house and actually sell his house! We prayed and prayed! I told him that I would bring him back to Ohio with me and that’s just what I did! He moved up to Ohio in June and got a place and job! This is all God! He’s so good! All the timing and the planning was exactly what He wanted! There were many times one of us would lose Faith, but would be assured that this was for Gods glory and plan! J I got a good look at what God wants for my life, I’m so glad that I let Him build and guide my life! “We are called to do what God wants and not those of the world” The story of Christ is the story of being restored, through God we are being restored to new! This relationship is hard, but we chose to obey, believe, Trust and have Faith in God that He had a grand plan!

Jeff currently has a job and a house, and together we are planning our wedding for May 2013 and with God’s help we are learning to love and respect each other as God does us! It’s a wonderful thing God has given us! Oh how we have prayed for a long time for each other and this relationship based on God and His love!

Christmas Season!

I love everything about this season. When growing up I always remember mom letting us kids stay up extra late, so we could put up the tree. Although I never remember having a real tree, and that didn’t see to matter to us. We just love decorating the house with decorations. Up the banister with garland, putting out the Christmas figurines, and making cookies. I always remember making and decorating Sugar Cookie a few weeks before. That was the best thing ever! I never liked eating the actual cookie itself, more or less the frosting and sprinkles off the cookie. When decorating our tree we each had our own ornaments that we put on ourselves, and the amount grew each year when mom would buy us each a new one, and each ornament represented our personality like one year I got a phone because all I do is talk or a shoe, well because I love them! So it was very interesting and neat to open the box up and guess what was in it. Another thing I remember is that the one year our cousins came over to help. Mom had been gone for the evening and all six of us got dressed up really nice, had ourselves a party, eat a really nice dinner, and then turned on the Christmas music and decorated our tree! I remember stringing popcorn for the first time. It was so hard! It kept falling apart and I was getting so mad, but eventually I got it and it stayed. We strung the whole tree. It looked good and took forever and to this day I have never done it again, EVER! I also remember mom and Erin trying to keep the theory of “Santa Clause” alive for me as a kid. Although one year I do believe that I caught mom aka “Santa” coming up the steps with gifts from the basement, I knew there never was a “Santa”. I always managed to find and/or figure out what my Christmas gifts were, and it would make them so made. Well and now that I have money of my own there are things that I ask for and the joke is that I will get it for myself before Christmas, and over the years they quickly found out that I am not good at keeping secrets either! So now they don’t tell me ANYTHING and trying to surprise me is imposable, because I will always figure it out! They get so mad at me!

Now on to the REAL reason for Christmas. Now that I am older I realize the better part of Christmas. The true meaning of Christmas. Don’t get me wrong all of the traditions that I grew up on are what make me and my family who we are, but for us there is something deeper more meaningful, than the music or the tree or the gifts. It’s the birth of Jesus Christ! I believe that without the birth of Christ and the many things that Happened that night to Mary and Joseph, many things this season have no real meaning, if you don‘t believe. If you can’t find the Joy of the season then there’s nothing more to look forward to, then just another holiday. Christ is after all the reason for the season!

Life.

I find myself thinking of the famous quote "when life gives you lemons make lemonade" lol If I was asked to sum up the last six months in just three words, I’d probably say that “it wasn’t easy”! I found out a lot about myself, who I am and how much in life I can handle as a woman and person. It was definitely a learning experience, something that I wouldn’t do over. I really enjoyed the last six months, although there were moments that I was weak and wanted to give up, but tried very hard to over come it. I like to think that I did a good job at doing so too. Regrets of this summer, (a regret is to feel sorry for something: to feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken, or hurtful to others). So I’d say that I don’t have a regret, sure there are things I’d like to go back and change or things I shouldn’t have done or said, but I cant change those things. I now need to move forward and make sure that I have learned from that experience and change the next one. But if I was given any do over’s in life, I wouldn’t change a thing. For don’t we all learn from our mistakes and the things we put ourselves through?! Life is about making mistake and experiencing things and life itself. I want to look back and not have regrets, or wish I could have changed something.

When I am passionate about something I whole heartedly care and put my everything into it. That could be good or bad! lol I love deep, I lay my heart out in the form of words that i write to you. Care strongly about the ones closest to me and hurt when they do, and sometimes I say “why do I care so much”? Because I have a big heart, I cant not care. My world is full of quotes, and I just love this one: you give love to everyone and you require none in return.“ This is why I care so much: Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn't happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less" - Ghost of Girlfriends Past God made me a caring creature. It also can end badly too, caring to much for someone or something can all to much get you hurt. But that’s when you have to endure life and keep moving on! So I leave you tonight with this: endure the worst of times in life and embrace the good, and keep moving on for the out come is so worth the hardship!!!

Patients.

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

For those of you that know me, you know that it's very hard for me to be patient. I can't wait for anything. I always try to get my birthday gifts before my birthday or if I really see something I like I'll ask for it, but always end up getting it myself before my special day. You can't surprise me either I always find the gifts or ruin the surprise. So when it comes to God making me wait or be patient for something, needless to say it kills me. With in the last few weeks I'd have to say that He's really trying to teach me something, and it's definitely waiting and being patient. And we all know they both know that they go hand in hand. This is something that I really need to work on. The whole patients thing wont happen just poof over night either, it gets better with time!! I must say though that I have been doing, okay, well I could be better, but at times it just eats at me. But I am choosing to let Him guide me and teach me, for I know that it's a better ending then anything else. But it always seems that the waiting part goes so slow. I wish I could somehow speed the time up and make it faster, but well I am NOT in control, and I am kind of glad to! I think that I would ruin His great plan. I just need to relax and trust! But with each day it seems hard and harder, trying to keep myself busy and not thinking about what I am waiting on so much and some days it's super easy and other well it seems unbearable.

I always wonder how people with less than me are so trusting, patient, and seem to be more thankful than me at times. But don't get me wrong I am all of those things. But with no home, or food they still have faith and trust that the God they serve will come through! And He always does!! So I leave you on this cold November night with these encouraging words:

Patience reveals our faith in God’s timing, omnipotence, and love. 1Thessalonians 5:14!

Waiting.

Where to begin? Where should I start this story? How about with the feelings that I have toward, love, hope, life, the future or how about this past summer? Where's there a good place to begin? As I approach my 24th birthday, I am finding myself thinking about the beginning of this year. In January I was asked to spend the summer in North Carolina! I loved it, but now that I am back to reality and having to deal with growing up and being an adult, things are getting tougher. I find myself saying "what if"? Don't get me wrong I don't ever regret anything that I  choose to do, for it makes me who I am. Learn and move on, live and look back and laugh. But as human theres that question "what if"? What if I didn't do that or if I wouldn't have left. Would things still be the same? Would they have changed any? I am left to wonder what would have really happened if I hadn't done certain things in life. Through all of this and praying I have found that dwelling on this is like dwelling on the past. There are somethings that are left better undone, and left alone. I find it hard sometimes to rely on God, to trust what His plan for my life is or if it's going in the right direction. As a kid I often remember people telling me to rely on His plan, and boy weren't they right! Everything happens for a reason and on the timing of the Almighty. As I sit here  watching the world go by I think about the weeks events in life and my life, how stressful it has been and trying, the times I want to sit down and cry or how I have complained or vented about it to my mother. How many things don't go my way or how I am not happy with life right now. Is that saying that I am not happy with what God has given me? Or the life He so willingly died for? It's only human to not like your life sometimes. But I have to sit back and think in all reality my life is not awful at all. I am actually alot more blessed then some. I have freedoms that some do not, to worship a Loving God, freedom of speech, things that I take for granted every single day. But God's yelling at me in the midst of this saying "Kayla all good things will come to those who wait". Focusing on Him and seeing a good out come is very hard, but so worth it. Not always being able to see the good in every situation is so hard, but find the good in everything and praise God! And when we wait for the Lord's outcome, it is so much better than we had planed! That's the best part :)  So, be patient and wait, its worth every second of it!!