Life.

I find myself thinking of the famous quote "when life gives you lemons make lemonade" lol If I was asked to sum up the last six months in just three words, I’d probably say that “it wasn’t easy”! I found out a lot about myself, who I am and how much in life I can handle as a woman and person. It was definitely a learning experience, something that I wouldn’t do over. I really enjoyed the last six months, although there were moments that I was weak and wanted to give up, but tried very hard to over come it. I like to think that I did a good job at doing so too. Regrets of this summer, (a regret is to feel sorry for something: to feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken, or hurtful to others). So I’d say that I don’t have a regret, sure there are things I’d like to go back and change or things I shouldn’t have done or said, but I cant change those things. I now need to move forward and make sure that I have learned from that experience and change the next one. But if I was given any do over’s in life, I wouldn’t change a thing. For don’t we all learn from our mistakes and the things we put ourselves through?! Life is about making mistake and experiencing things and life itself. I want to look back and not have regrets, or wish I could have changed something.

When I am passionate about something I whole heartedly care and put my everything into it. That could be good or bad! lol I love deep, I lay my heart out in the form of words that i write to you. Care strongly about the ones closest to me and hurt when they do, and sometimes I say “why do I care so much”? Because I have a big heart, I cant not care. My world is full of quotes, and I just love this one: you give love to everyone and you require none in return.“ This is why I care so much: Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn't happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less" - Ghost of Girlfriends Past God made me a caring creature. It also can end badly too, caring to much for someone or something can all to much get you hurt. But that’s when you have to endure life and keep moving on! So I leave you tonight with this: endure the worst of times in life and embrace the good, and keep moving on for the out come is so worth the hardship!!!

Patients.

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

For those of you that know me, you know that it's very hard for me to be patient. I can't wait for anything. I always try to get my birthday gifts before my birthday or if I really see something I like I'll ask for it, but always end up getting it myself before my special day. You can't surprise me either I always find the gifts or ruin the surprise. So when it comes to God making me wait or be patient for something, needless to say it kills me. With in the last few weeks I'd have to say that He's really trying to teach me something, and it's definitely waiting and being patient. And we all know they both know that they go hand in hand. This is something that I really need to work on. The whole patients thing wont happen just poof over night either, it gets better with time!! I must say though that I have been doing, okay, well I could be better, but at times it just eats at me. But I am choosing to let Him guide me and teach me, for I know that it's a better ending then anything else. But it always seems that the waiting part goes so slow. I wish I could somehow speed the time up and make it faster, but well I am NOT in control, and I am kind of glad to! I think that I would ruin His great plan. I just need to relax and trust! But with each day it seems hard and harder, trying to keep myself busy and not thinking about what I am waiting on so much and some days it's super easy and other well it seems unbearable.

I always wonder how people with less than me are so trusting, patient, and seem to be more thankful than me at times. But don't get me wrong I am all of those things. But with no home, or food they still have faith and trust that the God they serve will come through! And He always does!! So I leave you on this cold November night with these encouraging words:

Patience reveals our faith in God’s timing, omnipotence, and love. 1Thessalonians 5:14!

Waiting.

Where to begin? Where should I start this story? How about with the feelings that I have toward, love, hope, life, the future or how about this past summer? Where's there a good place to begin? As I approach my 24th birthday, I am finding myself thinking about the beginning of this year. In January I was asked to spend the summer in North Carolina! I loved it, but now that I am back to reality and having to deal with growing up and being an adult, things are getting tougher. I find myself saying "what if"? Don't get me wrong I don't ever regret anything that I  choose to do, for it makes me who I am. Learn and move on, live and look back and laugh. But as human theres that question "what if"? What if I didn't do that or if I wouldn't have left. Would things still be the same? Would they have changed any? I am left to wonder what would have really happened if I hadn't done certain things in life. Through all of this and praying I have found that dwelling on this is like dwelling on the past. There are somethings that are left better undone, and left alone. I find it hard sometimes to rely on God, to trust what His plan for my life is or if it's going in the right direction. As a kid I often remember people telling me to rely on His plan, and boy weren't they right! Everything happens for a reason and on the timing of the Almighty. As I sit here  watching the world go by I think about the weeks events in life and my life, how stressful it has been and trying, the times I want to sit down and cry or how I have complained or vented about it to my mother. How many things don't go my way or how I am not happy with life right now. Is that saying that I am not happy with what God has given me? Or the life He so willingly died for? It's only human to not like your life sometimes. But I have to sit back and think in all reality my life is not awful at all. I am actually alot more blessed then some. I have freedoms that some do not, to worship a Loving God, freedom of speech, things that I take for granted every single day. But God's yelling at me in the midst of this saying "Kayla all good things will come to those who wait". Focusing on Him and seeing a good out come is very hard, but so worth it. Not always being able to see the good in every situation is so hard, but find the good in everything and praise God! And when we wait for the Lord's outcome, it is so much better than we had planed! That's the best part :)  So, be patient and wait, its worth every second of it!!